Ever Again
by Crimson Love20
Summary: Bella still has nightmares about Edward leaving her. When a particularly nasty one resurfaces, will the couple be able to talk things out or will Edward's reluctance on the subject leave Bella more upset than before? One-shot.


**Hey, guys. So this was a random one-shot that hit me earlier. In my mind, Bella would still have nightmares about Edward leaving, and they would both still have issues about the months they were apart. This is my interpretation of what that would look like.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all.**

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I was searching, looking, scouring the area for him, but he wasn't there. Dread filled me, and tears came to my eyes. He had left me - again. He didn't want me. Everyone was gone, and I could no longer see him. He was light, and everything else was darkness. Without him, I couldn't find my way. I would never be able to find my way without him. I was on the verge of completely losing my mind when I saw a faint light. It was him.

_I ran toward it, unable to help my reaction. I knew I would probably fall. I knew I wasn't fast enough to catch him if he ran. And I knew if I caught up to him that I wasn't strong enough to make him stay. But regardless, I had to try to reach him._

_He saw me coming and darted. Surprisingly though, he wasn't as fast as I had remembered. I wasn't gaining distance on him, but he hadn't disappeared so far._

_"Edward, please," I begged. "Please, don't leave me again. I can't do it. Please."_

_The light froze for a moment before moving a tad faster. "No!" I screamed. "Edward . . . _please_," I whimpered, dropping to my knees, hoping to appease him by not approaching any more. He slowed for a moment, and then, to my utter shock, began moving toward me. I stayed motionless, hoping that he would change his mind and stay._

_Before long, he was in front of me, perfection as always, radiating warmth and love. Yet his face was cruel. His eyes were black, his lips were curled into a harsh scowl, and his posture was stiff and formal._

_"Listen to me, Isabella Marie Swan," he bit out, each syllable precise. "Stay away from me - forever." Then the light disappeared._

My eyes snapped open, and I was clammy and hollow. Tears were flowing down my face, and I was gasping for breath into my pillow.

"Bella?" Edward whispered. I whimpered, unable to avoid the noise and flung myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing tightly.

"Oh, Bella," Edward sighed, lightly stroking my cheek with his cool thumb. "Don't cry, love."

I couldn't help the tears that streaked down my cheeks. I shook my head fiercely. "I'm s-sorry," I stammered, unable to say anything else.

"What for?" he asked gently in surprise, wrapping his arms around me. "You had a nightmare – there's no reason to be ashamed of it."

I dropped my eyes to the ground, shaking my head slowly. "I'm sorry," I whispered again. "I can only guess how hard it is for you to hear me beg you not to leave." My eyes flicked to his breathtaking face hesitantly. "But you have to understand, Edward. When you left –"

Edward inhaled sharply and lightly placed his fingertips over my lips. He hushed me tenderly. "It's all right, Bella. I'll always be here. I'm never leaving you again."

I pushed his fingers away from my lips, realizing that there were still unresolved issues with each other over his abrupt departure. This had to be said. We needed to get this over and done with, right here, right now, and never have to deal with it again.

"Edward, we need to talk about this," I argued, my voice meeker than I had intended. I didn't want to do this, and he knew it.

His beautiful amber eyes flickered to my face, then back to his hands, which were lying in his lap. "Bella, you're tired," he hedged.

I looked him dead in the eye. "I'm wide awake now."

He sighed softly. "Very well, Isabella. Say your piece. You already know how I feel about it."

I clenched my hands. I hated the way he was talking about it like it was no big deal. He had left me alone, to figure things out. He had tried to make me live without him, and he was blowing this whole conversation off, like I was the only one who still had feelings about it.

But nevertheless, he was waiting patiently for my piece, his eyes never leaving mine. His fingers traced soft patterns on my back while I tried to find something to say.

"Edward . . ." My voice almost broke, and I inhaled slowly, trying to calm myself. I knew there would be a flood of emotion soon enough. "When you . . . left, I know you say it was for my benefit, but sometimes -" I paused, rethinking my words. "Well, a lot of the time, actually, I think that it was because I wasn't good enough for you." He opened his mouth, but I had anticipated his reaction and placed my forefinger over his perfect, full lips.

"Please, let me say this," I pleaded. He seemed wary but nodded. "I know you say that I'm beautiful and everything, but I feel hugely inadequate next to Rosalie and Alice. I mean, they're _perfect_. And you could have anyone you wanted. So when you told me that . . ." I swallowed, willing myself to be able to say this without crying again. "That I wasn't good enough for you, I accepted it without a second thought. I always knew I was never good enough to be with you." My gaze fell to the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut. "I still think you deserve better."

He had been rubbing my back soothingly, but the moment I said those words, his hand froze. "Isabella, what did you just say?" he nearly growled.

I had to find the strength and courage to look up at his devastatingly beautiful face and say the words that had been on my mind the second he had left me alone. "I think that you deserve better than me," I whispered, tears coming to my eyes. I successfully blinked them away for the time being.

"Bella," he breathed, anguished. His hands moved to cup my cheeks tenderly. There was so much emotion in that one word. It said everything. He told me that he was sorry, that he had never meant to make me feel unwanted or inadequate. "Love, I am so sorry - for everything," he whispered. "I never meant for this to happen. I wanted you to be normal. I thought that I was risking your life. I couldn't bear the idea of you getting hurt because of what I am."

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Do you blame Jasper for what happened?" It was something I had always wondered in the back of my mind. God knew that I didn't want to create a rift in their family, siding with either Edward or Jasper.

Edward sighed softly and pulled me onto his lap, softly stroking my hair. "In a way, yes, but I've come to accept that what happened is in the past. But in other ways, I think it was needed. It showed me how fragile you really are, how much harm could come to you if I wasn't careful. I've forgiven him long ago, though. Everyone has forgiven him. The only one who still thinks about it is Jasper. He thinks that it was his fault that I - we left. I've tried to convince him that I would have left anyway."

My eyes snapped to his, and all the insecurities I'd been feeling came flooding back. "What?" I whimpered. He was going to leave even if Jasper hadn't hurt me? Which meant that he was going to leave again, and I would be alone, and -

"Bella, you have to realize that there was going to be a time when everything fell apart. It happened to be at the hands of Jasper. If Emmett had hugged you and broken your arm, I would have thought that we needed to leave." His eyes begged me to understand. "I have always loved you, Bella. No one could ever replace you."

I dropped my gaze, trying to comprehend what he was telling me. He was going to leave in the first place, but Jasper had been the final straw. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was going to leave, but he never wanted to.

"So, you never wanted to leave?" I was pretty sure that was what he was telling me.

"Exactly. I was a wreck without you, Bella. We've already been over this. I love you. I'm never leaving you again." He paused for a moment, his cool thumb coming to touch my bottom lip. "You believe me, don't you?"

I looked into his sad golden eyes and found true remorse over what he had done. All he wanted now was to make things right between us, and to never think about the months we were apart. "Yes, I believe you," I murmured, sighing a bit.

His lips turned up into a small smile. "Thank you, Bella. You mean the world to me." His face turned thoughtful as he continued. "You're my reason for existing. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to leave you." Gentle golden eyes met mine accompanied by a soft smile. "There aren't any words for how much I love you."

A wry smile curled my lips, and I murmured, "I feel the same way about you."

Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine gently. "I love you," he murmured as he broke the kiss too soon for my liking.

"I love you, too," I replied.

I shifted on the bed and tried to hide a yawn. "You're tired," Edward accused. "You need to go back to sleep."

"Don't leave," I begged. He couldn't leave me. And especially not right after we'd had this talk. I hoped that talking about this a little more would make the nightmares go away. But I was also fairly certain that they wouldn't ever completely leave.

"Never, Bella," he vowed, wrapping his arms around my waist. I watched him for a moment before he kissed my forehead and urged me to close my eyes and try to sleep.

I complied and closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of his cool arms tightly wound around me. I drifted off to sleep as he hummed my lullaby in my ear.

_I was in the middle of nowhere, and the sense of deja vu hit me. _Oh no. Not again,_ I thought, looking around for my source of light. Edward was standing a few feet away, his arms crossed, looking at me. I found myself on my knees, and I knew I was in the middle of begging for him to stay._

_He moved forward again, and this time, I braced myself for his rejection. His warmth wrapped around me, and I was afraid to look at him. I felt a strange urge to meet his gaze, and suddenly I was moving my head unconsciously. His face was different this time. His eyes were soft. His full lips were smiling, and he had his hand extended toward me. I took it, noticing that my arm was shaking. He pulled me up and held me to him tightly._

_"Never again," he whispered in my ear. "I won't leave you ever again."_

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Reviews, please?

**- J.C.**


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